TIPS FOR HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Sometimes relationships can seem like a lot of work until you sit back and realize just how much you've been given. A thriving, healthy relationship is absolutely within
your reach if you and your partner are willing to do a bit of work. Here's how to start nurturing your bond.

THINGS YOU MUST DO INDEPENDENTLY

1. Take responsibility for your own
happiness. Save yourself several hours of
arguing by remembering this one rule: it's not up to anyone else to make you happy.

2. Make good on your words . Follow through on your promises. When you say you're going to do something, do it. Don't say that you'll cook dinner, or get a birthday present, and then blow it off or simply forget about it. What this does is systematically destroy trust. And relationships need trust in order to thrive.

3. Admit your mistakes . If you know you've done something to hurt your partner intentionally or not, own up to it. Humble yourself and apologize sincerely, without making excuses or justifications like "I'm sorry you made me angry."

★ Commit to changing your behavior. If you
notice yourself apologizing for the same
mistake over and over, step it up a level.
Tell your partner that you recognize this
mistake keeps happening, and you want to
train yourself to stop. Request help and ask
for him or her to gently point it out to you
when you're making this mistake again.

4. Be realistic . Every relationship has
disagreements and days when staying isn't the easiest choice. But what makes a relationship healthy is choosing to resolve those problems and push through the hard days, instead of just letting issues and resentment fester.

★ Review your expectations. Do you see your partner as a person, with both winning
qualities and flaws, or as someone you
expect to be perfect? If your expectations are so astronomical that no one could live up to them 100% of the time, you're setting up your relationship for failure.

★Accept that conflict happens. If you expect to be in a long-term relationship, you're bound to have the occasional disagreement. Remember that one argument isn't the end of everything, and there's no person on earth that you'd agree with all the time.

★Always ask yourself whether you're better
off in the relationship than out of it. If you
don't think you're better off in the
relationship, then you probably should have
a serious discussion with your partner. In a
loving relationship, this question almost
always gets a simple "Yes."

5. Listen to your partner. Sometimes, all your partner wants is for you to lend an ear and be sympathetic about one of their problems. Other times, your partner wants you to actively give them advice. Know which one your partner is looking for, and try to give them what they want. Being a good listener is all about paying attention to what they're saying and not blowing it off.

★ Listening to your partner will enhance your relationship in many ways. It will help you resolve differences without arguing; let you explore each other's personality more
deeply; and even help you pick out an
awesome Christmas present. There are no
downsides to listening.

6. Show your affection in whatever way you can. There's a difference between knowing that you're loved and feeling that you're loved. Sometimes, we bank on the fact that our partners should know that we love them even when we don't show it. Don't rely on this too much. The best relationships use affection to show love.

★ Do something for your partner that you know s/he will truly appreciate. Whether it means getting up early to mow the lawn, taking the kids to karate, or baking that nutella shortcake, it's often the little favors that say the most.

★ Don't be afraid to show physical affection
every once in a while. Loving relationships
feed off of the little kisses, hugs, and back-
rubs that are mainstays of affection.

★ Do the unexpected. It's one thing to kiss
your partner after you come home from
work; it's another thing to kiss your wife
while you're skydiving, falling 10,000 feet
from a plane. It's the thought that counts, so
put a little effort into it for huge returns.

7. Be loyal . Make sure he/she knows that you will
always be there for him/her. Put him/her first in
your life as much as you possibly can. Not that
you have to only see him/her ever, or never talk
to anyone else, but he/she should know that
he/she can always count on you if he/she
needs something. Also, expect the same loyalty
from him/her. You deserve to feel prized in the
relationship just as much as him/her.

8. Do not ever hide anything from him/her .
Especially your feelings about him/her and your
relationship - whether good or bad! This way
you will be able to overcome all the difficulties
and challenges together. If something bad
happened in your past that still affects you in
the present, he/she needs to know about it.
Note: you should be able to discuss your sexual
history. It is an obligation before you decide to
be sexually involved with your partner. But you
should make them feel safe and not judgmental
and you should expect the same from your
partner.

9. Give him/her some space . Everyone needs their
own privacy and some freedom, so don't
constantly watch everything he/she
does. Everyone hates to be watched, stifled and
controlled .

★ Do not ever spy on him/her (reading his/her
phone, stalking him/her on social networks,
following him/her around). If he/she is
cheating on you, you will find out. These
things cannot be kept secret for very long.
But if you spy on him/her and he/she is
innocent, you will lose his trust and respect
forever.

10. Express your feelings towards him/her . Always
remind him/her of how much he means to you,
and what he/she represents to you. Women are
not the only ones who need expressions of love
and care, men need that too.

★ If you have a problem, you need to let him/
her know - preferably in a clear and calm
manner without any yelling. If he says `Are
you OK?` and you answer yes, do not expect
him to understand that you really meant no.
Be honest and open.

★Let him/her know it is safe to open up to
you about what he is feeling. Reward his/
her trust in you by sympathizing with him/
her and, but you don`t need to say
much ,just listen.

★ Don't be afraid to lose him/her or spend
every minute fearing the huge pain that that
might cause you. Enjoy each wonderful
moment as it happens, and realize that there
will never be another one just like it.
★ Never be pathetic and needy just to make
him/her pay attention to you and give you
sympathy.

★ A solid relationship should be based on
mutual respect; if you are constantly trying
to pull him/her down with you, this means
you don`t respect him /her enough to want
him/her to be happy. If you are depressed,
see a doctor - don`t pull some guy/girl into
your problems.

11. Encourage him/her . So that he/she can be more
successful at work or study. That will make
him/her realise how much you care about his/
her future and wish that he/she'd become one of
the best. It will also make his/her feeling
towards you grow even stronger, and he/she
will believe that you're ready to support him/her
on anything he/she does.

THINGS YOU MUST DO TOGETHER

1. Revive date-night . Going on dates, even if
you've been in a relationship for years, is still
important. In fact, it's especially important for
couples who have been together long enough to
grow comfortable. Try to go on a date at least
once every month. Some couples make it a
priority to go on one date every week.

★ If you're having trouble imagining date
ideas, try recreating a date you had with
your partner early on in your courtship. Do
exactly the same thing(s), or put a spin on
the date by reinventing it in a significant
way.
★ Do something new and exciting. Doing
something that gets your blood flowing and
your heart rate up enhances feelings of
togetherness between partners. If you're
feeling brave, go on dates that makes you
feel like a kid all over again: going to a
comedy club, taking a cooking class, or test-
driving a new car, to name only a few.

2. Practice forgiveness . Forgiveness is a decision
of letting go of the past and focusing on the
present. It's about taking control of your current
situation, as you must offer it to your partner as
much as you demand it from them.

★ Remember who forgiveness really benefits.
Forgiving your partner absolves him or her,
but it also frees you from carrying around
anger and resentment. Don't view it as an
entirely altruistic act — it's something you're
doing for both of you.

3. Laugh together . Laugh at one another with the
security of love. Laughter helps the world go
'round, and it may with your relationship, too.
Laughter helps your body burn calories,
increase blood flow, strengthen the immune
system, and lowers blood sugar levels. [1]
Laughter can be comforting, infectious, or an
aphrodisiac, and many things in between. Don't
forget to laugh.

4. Support each other . Being supportive means
making your partner's happiness and well-
being a priority, in ways big and small. Keep in
mind that part of why you're together in the first
place is that you're each other's biggest fans,
so make sure you act like it. Try demonstrating
your support in these ways:

★ Be a good listener. If your partner needs you
to lend an ear, do it willingly. You don't
always need to come up with a solution, just
support.

★ Offer encouragement. If your partner is trying
to make a positive change, start a new
hobby, or undertake a difficult challenge, be
his or her biggest cheerleader.

★ Provide a safe place. Allow your partner to
be vulnerable in front of you without fear of
judgment.

5. Devote time to each other . Make spending time
with your partner a priority, even if it's a little
inconvenient at first. Relationships need shared
experiences to grow, and you're demonstrating
that nurturing yours is important to you.

★ Take up a hobby. Learning something new
together can help you grow closer, as well
as discovering a leisure activity you both
enjoy. Try sports like tennis or basketball,
learning a new language, cooking, crafting,
or whatever else you've been wanting to try.

★ Find small ways to serve each other. Doing
small acts of service for your partner shows
that you're aware of what he or she needs,
and you're willing to help out. It doesn't
have to be an extravagant gesture: make
dinner, take care of a small errand, or offer a
foot rub at the end of the day. Don't make it
a big deal, and don't automatically expect
payback.

6. Develop better communication. Most people
aren't born great communicators — it's
something nearly everyone has to work at. The
way you talk to your partner might seem small,
but you do it several times a day and it does
have an effect. Consider these fixes:

★ Don't use directive language. Try to keep
phrases like "you should" or "you can't" out
of your relationship. You and your partner
are equals, and neither one of you should
have the authority to direct the other.

★ Relay your expectations. If you expect your
partner to do something, say it. Don't expect
that he or she should read your mind, and
don't rely on hints. Being clear about what
you want gives your partner a fair shot at
succeeding. (And keep the above point in
mind: instead of "You should take the
garbage out every day," say "I'd really like it
if you took the garbage out every day.")

★ Say "please" and "thank you." You should be
able to let loose around your partner, so
there's no need to worry about having
impeccable manners all the time. The
exception to this is asking nicely and
expressing gratitude when your partner does
something — don't just assume he or she
knows how you meant it.

★ Fight fair. Don't just let all these good
communication skills go out the window
during an argument. Try to get your point
across in a loving, respectful way that
doesn't seek to hurt your partner. If he or
she insists on yelling or throwing insults,
quietly request a calmer attitude.

THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW

★ Never be anything other than yourself around them. If
you don't show them all of you, they can't love all of
you.

★ Don't assume the worst or doubt him/her. It's all
about trust.

★ Allow your partner to WANT to love you. Don't
pressure them into buying this and that, kissing you
at this time etc Your partner has to want to do these
things. It makes things more real and less of you
feeling like you're forcing them to love you.

★ All good relationships are based upon mutual
respect. If you do not feel respect for your partner, or
believe your partner is losing respect for you, then
consider ways of rebuilding it immediately. Respect
is the key. If you have true respect for one another,
then nothing can go wrong. You have to learn
respect, sometimes it can take a while to achieve
this, but if they love you it will come.

★ Take care of yourself. Treating yourself with respect
and love is as important as respecting and loving
your partner.

★ Never cheat, if you are in a long term relationship
with someone you love, it is never worth it and these
things will always resurface.

★ The first thing you should know is, find what you love
about him/her, what made you fall in love with him/
her. And love him/her with all your heart, treasure
every moment, and treat him/her the way he/she
should be treated.

★ Ask questions, clarify, and don't assume. Do not talk
if your mind is not clear or is full of anger. When you
feel hurt, do not say "it's your fault / you never loved
me" or "let's break up" or "when do you want to
break up?". You might well regret it one day. Tell him
or her you feel hurt, and ask for clarification first, if
you don't work together and just blame, it can only
do harm. Never just withdraw this always causes
more harm than good.

★ Avoid flirting with others, especially previous
partners. Doing so may spur romantic feelings for
another.

★ Comfort each other when needed.

WARNING

★★ If your partner is scaring you, trying to control you,
or deliberately hurting you (physically or
emotionally), seek help immediately. Abusive
behavior is not your fault. In a healthy relationship,
partners need to work together to make each other
happy; you should never have to work just to keep
your partner from making you miserable.