It will probably happen to you at
least once in your life. You'll fall
for somebody that your parents
don't like. Sometimes their
disapproval will be valid, other
times it will be irrational, but no
matter what it will be hard for
you to deal with.
What do you do when your
parents can't stand the person
you ’re dating? Before taking on
the role of diplomat, or even
worse the role of family agitator,
there are some things that you
need to examine. You need to
take an honest look at your
romantic motivations and the
reasons for your parents'
objections.
EXAMINING YOUR MOTIVATIONS
Why are you dating this person?
Be brutally honest. Are you crazy
in love or loving driving your
parents crazy? If you are
motivated by rebellion the
simplest and right thing to do is
end the relationship.
It isn't fair for you to use
somebody else to get to your
parents. With the relationship out
of the way you will be able to
focus on the real issue of why
you feel the need to resort to
such drastic rebellion in the first
place.
Do you have real and deep
feelings for this person, or do
you have less heart felt reasons
for the relationship? Are you
dating this person because of
pressure from friends or in the
name of popularity?
If your feelings are based on
your reputation rather than your
heart you are being unfair to the
person you're dating and your
parents. Take a step back and
ask yourself if the relationship is
really worth all the drama it is
causing. Chances are good the
answer will be no and your
problem will solve itself.
WHAT IF IT'S LOVE?
Love doesn’t always make sense.
People fall in love for many
different reasons. Opposites can
attract and people can find
themselves in relationships that
look weird to the outside world.
When you find love it can make
anything seem possible.
When your parents object to
your love it can feel like they just
don ’t understand. It can be
confusing and upsetting. You
love your parents but your
relationship is important to you
as well. If you are in a good and
loving relationship you will do
whatever it takes to protect it,
even go against your parents.
EXAMINING YOUR PARENTS' OBJECTION
Sometimes you have to fight for
love. If your parents don ’t like the
person you love you will
definitely have a fight on your
hands. It is important for you
understand where your parents
are coming from and why they
disapprove of the relationship.
When you know why they object
to your relationship you will be
better able to reason with them
and stand up for your love.
Some of the reasons your
parents disapprove may seem
silly, others may seem wrong and
some may actually have merit. It
is up to you to look at the whole
situation and see if your parents
are seeing something you aren't
or if they are acting from a place
of ignorance.
WHEN YOUR PARENTS ARE WRONG:
Parents are not always right.
Objections based on racism,
classism, religious bias or
homophobia are not acceptable.
While your parents may have the
best of intentions with these
types of objections you need to
hold your ground and not give in
to their bigotry.
Your parents are likely objecting
because they fear for you. They
are probably worried about how
the world will react to your
relationship. Being in an
unconventional relationship can
be difficult. The world can be a
cruel place. Your parents are
probably worried about seeing
you struggle. Their reaction is
wrong but it is based on their
love for you and their desire to
see you get the best out of life.
Sometimes parents cling to
outdated social attitudes. They
hold on to ideas that are not
shared by your generation. If this
is the case, if your parents are
trying to get you to conform to
their biases, you need to stand
your ground. You need to tell
them that in this situation you
will never see things their way.
Suggest that in this case you
should agree to disagree. They
probably won’t like this but they
don’t have to. Objections based
on bigotry are wrong even when
they come from your parents.
WHEN PARENTS ARE RIGHTS:
When you are in love you may be
blind to your partner ’s flaws.
Your parents aren’t so easily
fooled. They can often see things
in your relationship that you are
unwilling or unable to see. They
love you and want what is best
for you and seeing you in a bad
relationship is hard. Of course
they will disapprove!
When your parents see
something in your relationship
that they don ’t like you need to
listen to them. It is not healthy
for any relationship to consume
your life. Your parents may be
able to see that this is happening
when you can not.
FINDING PEACE:
Love can feel very good. It can
change you in some very positive
ways. If your love has a positive
influence in your life it is worth
holding on to even if your
parents object.
When love gets shady you need
to rethink the relationship. You
should never lose your life when
you fall in love. Friends, family,
hobbies and school are all still
important. Being in love should
not mean you give these things
up. If your love is making you
lose yourself it's time for a
change.
Your parents only want to see
you happy. They don ’t want to
see you struggling or making
decisions that will complicate
your life. Understand that they
have your best interests at heart
and keep the lines of
communication open. Be honest
with them about how you feel.
They may never like your partner
but they can come to accept your
relationship.
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