HOW TO FIND AN IDEAL MATE

For the hopelessly single, finding the ideal mate seems like a daunting, impossible task. However, the truth is, many people just don't know where to look or how to begin.

 STEPS:

1. The first step to finding your ideal mate is a paper and a pen. No, you're not going to write a personal ad. What you are going to do is list YOUR traits and the traits you desire in a mate. Included in this list should be: your personality traits and those of a desired mate, your physical traits and the desired physical traits your mate will have, interests and hobbies, religion and beliefs (both yours and if your mate must be the same religion or hold a similar belief system or lack thereof), desire for children and willingness to accept other's children, your communication style, etc. You may want to draw on the help of your friends for the personality portion, as well as your past relationships. If you take a look back, you will recognize what personality types you got along with the best.

2.Turn the list into a profile of what kind of mate you're looking for. This is a skeleton of a person. It should NOT be a list of demands, but rather a basic outline of the soul you are looking for. The list needs to be realistic and prioritized.

3. By looking at the profile, you will see what aspects are important to you that you may not have realized before. For example, suppose you like being outdoors, and exercise, then look for a hiking group - perhaps at a religious group or the Sierra club. Although you don't have to have EVERYTHING in common with someone, its a good start to find someone who has some things in common. Find social groups and events where your mate might spend time. It's very important that you put yourself where you're likely to find your ideal mate instead of hoping that person is the next one to sit down on the bar stool beside yours.

4. Consider singles groups. There are groups in local churches, dating services and online. These groups have their own pitfalls, but the good thing is that everyone is there for the same purpose. You may find that your perfect mate on the hiking trip is married, or that there are no potential spouses in the auto detailing club.

5. When you find someone who seems to fit the profile, take a deep breath and go slowly! Spend a lot of time talking and seeing different aspects of the person. Of course, you want there to be attraction, but you want to get to know this person as well. And you want to see how you interact in leisure, stressful situations, family situations, professional situations. Are they moody or hiding things? Are there money issues? Do you enjoy spending time together for long periods?

6. On one hand, don't settle! If you discover this is not the right person for you, don't hang onto them or convince yourself it'll get better or you're being too picky. You KNOW what you want in a mate. You'll find it too. And when you do, it will be great! But on the other hand, don't be a perfectionist and demand impossibly high standards of the other person. Try to appreciate quirks but not settle for someone you will not be happy with.

TIPS:

1. Make sure you tell someone that you're looking for a long-term relationship from the onset. The worst thing you could do to yourself is fall in love with someone who hits the road three months later because they're not ready to settle down. You should tell someone you are LOOKING for a relationship after the first few dates (its seems a bit desparate to discuss it on the first date!) or as soon as you know you are interested in this person. Don't be in a rush to commit; just make sure you're both on the same page. Let them know that's all you're doing. (Nobody wants to discuss marriage on the second date!)

2. Put off intimacy for a while - depending on your religous beliefs and age. The excitement and attraction in new relationships can override getting to know each other if you give into it too soon. Affection can feel a lot like love initially, so make sure of your heart and mind before you indulge in intimacy.

3. If you are young and/or religious - before you're intimate, make sure you're both committed to a relationship. Meet their family and let them meet yours. Hang out with them and their friends; invite them to hang out with you and yours. It may sound silly to do all of this before you even think about being intimate, but the way someone behaves in social or familial situations may make you realize this person isn't for you.

4. Listen to your friends' opinions about your new love, but don't take all of them to heart. Hear them, consider them, keep the ones that are valuable, and discard the rest. Remember friends are only human. They can make errors in judgment and they can also get jealous. Use your own good judgment and common sense!

5. If your looking for a woman, look at her mother and check out the mothers relationships with men, and look at her father to see what she will expect from you, it will tell you everything you need to know. This may not reflect any personal growth work a person may have done. Also consider that her parents may be the antithesis of what she believes and wants.

6. If your looking for a guy, look at his father and how he treated his mother etc. and look at his mother to see what he expects from you, it will tell you everything you need to know. Although this does not always reflect any personal growth work a person might have done.

7. In this day in age, you can never be too safe. Do not be afraid to ask your potential mate to get an HIV test or to have a background check. Just be willing to provide the same information. If you're going to ask someone for this information, be careful WHEN you do it. Waiting three months and until you've already built a trusting, loving beginning to a relationship may tell them you don't trust them and end a good thing. Asking too early may make you seem a little crazy. The appropriate time to ask is at the moment when you are SURE you want to be more committed to this person than just as a social companion.

Never try or expect to change somebody into your ideal. It's never worked!

THINGS YOU WILL NEED

1. A willingness to be honest. If you aren't ready to disclose things about yourself to anyone, you're not ready for a relationship.

2. A free heart and open mind. If you're still pining away for your ex, it's not the right time for someone new. Try making new friends, and dating cautiously - without rushing into something prematurely.

3. A willingness to try new things. Everyone has different likes and dislikes. At least experience (within reason) things your new love likes. They should do the same for you.

4. Patience. People are scared when it comes to matters of the heart. Take things slow and enjoy every minute as it comes. Don't be in a rush to get to forever.