TIPS FOR ONLINE DATING

Online dating has earned a dubious reputation, having been spoofed in dozens of sitcoms and glamorized in half a dozen movies. Unfortunately, it usually doesn’t work quite as smoothly as in You’ve Got Mail, but thankfully it’s not usually quite as dramatic as Ugly Betty (where, once again, two life-long enemies are set up) either. We were fortunate enough to have found each other through online dating, and trust us: if we can do it, anyone can.

You probably already know someone who has a dating horror story that started off with “I met this guy/girl online…” or “I was bored and went to check out…”. If you believe the local evening news, every kidnapping or rape stems from meeting someone online; and if you believe Stone Phillips, everyone on the Internet is looking to hook up with a 13-year-old.

If you have the fortitude to brave the Online Dating waters, we have some tips for you:

Tips for Online Dating - Tip #1: Be Sincere

Guys: Listen to the words of a certain fictitious doctor, Dr. Gregory House: “Everybody lies.” When it comes to online dating, you usually don’t find “morbidly obese woman with bad acne and a laugh that resembles a choking weasel”. Instead, you find women with “more to love” who “place importance on skin care” and “prefer drama to comedy”. It really pays to assume the worst, and leave it to her to prove otherwise.

Gals: The guys will lie too, but if there is less lying, that will leave less to explain, or apologize for, when you actually MIRL. Don’t use a picture from graduation when you have one from your recent reunion. If you have recently dyed, cut, or grown-out your hair, be sure to mention it. If you lost weight recently (or found the weight someone else lost), mention it. You don’t have to go into your whole weight or hair history, but if you no longer look exactly like your photo, it would be wise to mention it.

Tips for Online Dating - Tip #2: Be Smart

Guys: A little tact goes a long way. It’s probably a bad idea to start off with something like, “I like your profile. How long did it take you to paste your head on that model’s body?” Don’t let your cynicism come out in your e-mail. It’s just counterproductive.

Don’t pass final judgment until you’ve had at least one real conversation, preferably in person but by telephone is okay, too. Sometimes personality just doesn’t come through in e-mails or instant messages. This goes both ways! If you tend to use a lot of dry humor or sarcasm, this advice goes double.

Gals: Everyone has their own unique writing and emoticon style. Write as you would speak, and let the chips fall where they may. You can try to be someone else, try to sound more (or less) intelligent than you actually are, but it is hard to keep up the act forever—especially if you are chatting to more than one person at a time. Your best bet is to be yourself. If he doesn’t like it, he will stop emailing—leaving you to find the real man of your dreams.

But don’t forget to take some things on faith. If it sounds like it should be sarcasm, it probably is, even if there is no smiley attached to it.

Tips for Online Dating - Tip #3: Be Safe

Guys: Keep your dates in public, and try to avoid allowing her to find out where you live. The last thing you want is a psycho hose beast following you everywhere you go. So scrub your Facebook profile, edit your MySpace, and keep track of your wallet when you’re out on a date. Clean out your car so she can’t stash your power bill in her purse. Your phone number is usually okay, since you can always block harassing phone calls.

Gals: Absolutely never give out your address to anyone you meet over the Internet. The most specific you should be is your home city (or, for large cities, the general area: the Bronx, North Dallas, East LA, etc.). Even “I live across the street from a Starbucks” might be too specific. Your new friend would only have to scour all the Starbucks in the area and find you—and yes, some people have that kind of time on their hands.

A good friend was set up by eHarmony. He wasn’t her type, so she decided to let him down easy. But she had made the mistake of inviting him over to her house at the end of the first date to meet her roommate (and get her roommate’s opinion). When he emailed for a second date, she told him that she was sick. He showed up that afternoon at her doorstep with a bowl of soup and some books to read during her convalescence. Sweet? Yes. A little creepy? Absolutely! You may not attract a psycho stalker, but you may still find you’re in for more than you bargained for.

By now you might be wondering why people bother with online dating, but the truth is that the games people play in online dating happen in other dating venues, too. Using online dating services isn’t really any less safe than any other method, and you are now armed with the tips for online dating from those who “won” at it to make sure you don’t take any unnecessary risks. May you find everything you are looking for!